


Triadic

by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead



Series: Color Theory [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, No One is Hurt, Presenting: Insecure Semi, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 03:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7996123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/All_My_Characters_Are_Dead/pseuds/All_My_Characters_Are_Dead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Semi kept Ushijima at a distance despite the colors they left on each other's skin throughout high school. After graduation, though, things have to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Triadic

“Why don’t you want me?” Ushijima’s question was calm, as though the answer wouldn’t affect him, as though he wasn’t even really curious, just...asking because he should. Semi knew better, of course. He saw the intensity in Ushijima’s eyes, the hurt in the downward curve of his lips, the anxiety in the way his fists clenched and unclenched. Semi’s heart broke. He shouldn’t have just put Ushijima off without an explanation for their high school years. He should never have pushed Ushijima away until the ace thought that somehow Semi didn’t actually want him.

“I do want you,” Semi admitted. They had graduated high school. They had the summer, and then they would be starting their college years at the same university. That, paired with the colors on their skin every time they touched - no matter how much it hurt when Semi saw how dull and shallow those colors still were - meant that Semi had to face the fact that they were soulmates, and that there was another person meant to be with them - meant to be with Ushijima - that Semi wasn’t enough, would never be enough, for the one person he cared about most.

“Then why?” Ushijima demanded, confusion wrinkling his brow. “Why do you flinch every time we touch? Why do you ignore the colors we leave on each other?” Semi closed his eyes, unable to look into Ushijima’s face any longer.

“Because,” he began, telling himself that he had to get it out, he had to just confess his doubts to his ace - not his ace anymore, he probably wouldn’t be the starting setter at their university anytime soon, if ever, oh, _shit,_ would he even get to toss to Ushijima during practices? - he couldn’t just let Ushijima believe that this distance Semi had forced between them was anything but Semi’s fault. “Because every time I see my colors on your skin, I have to see how dull and lifeless they are, how incomplete our soulmate bond is. I have to face the fact that I’m not enough for you, that I never will be. So forgive me if that’s a little painful,” he snapped. There was a pause, and Semi almost apologized, almost told Ushijima it was nothing, he didn’t know why he said that, it was stupid, really-

“You are my soulmate,” Ushijima said, his voice nowhere near as steady as usual. Instead, his words shook as he continued. “Whether we ever find our third or not, you are still my soulmate. The existence of a third person in our bond does not make the connection you and I have any less significant. We are meant to be together, and having a third doesn’t change that. This is not about being enough, Eita. It is about loving each other.” Ushijima seemed to run out of words and settled for studying Semi, trying to tell if he had convinced the setter. Semi reached up, framed Ushijima’s face with his hands, drew his thumbs over the wing spiker’s cheekbones.

“I know you’re right,” Semi whispered. Ushijima pressed into Semi’s touch, turning his head to nuzzle into one palm, then the other. “I watched how Satori found Suga, and how they were fine with just the two of them, but they didn’t love each other any less when they found Kuroo. I know that having a third just means having another person who’s perfect for us, who’s meant to spend their lives with us. But…” Semi dropped his hands, leaving handprints on Ushijima’s cheeks the same color as their uniforms, because Semi had dyed his hair to match their school’s colors for graduation. “But I also know that you deserve so much more than I could ever give you, and the fact that I can’t give you everything you deserve - everything you’re meant to have - hurts. I’m sorry, Wakatoshi, but it does.” Ushijima’s expression was one Semi had never seen before - never expected to see - open and hurt and worried and oh, Semi had never known Ushijima could show so much emotion on his face, and Semi regretted that the raw feelings Ushijima’s features were displaying were negative ones. He turned away, another apology on his lips, but Ushijima caught his hand and pulled him back.

“I have let you wallow in your doubts for too long,” Ushijima said quietly. Semi glanced up at his face, found the spiker’s expression as unreadable as ever, and glanced away again hurriedly. “I know that I cannot change the way you feel. But I would like to try to show you something.” Semi frowned, tempted to sneak another glance at the ace. Before he could decide whether or not to act on that temptation, Ushijima’s free hand was on his skin, fingertips lightly - reverently, lovingly - tracing along his jaw, leaving dark maroon streaks in his wake. Semi instinctively turned into the touch, and Ushijima guided his chin until Semi was looking up at him. “Let me show you that you are enough. That we are soulmates, whether or not we find our third. Let me convince you that you are enough, and when the time comes, let me show you that our third is meant for you, too, not just me.” Semi stared up into Ushijima’s determined, hopeful gaze, and felt himself getting lost all over again. And really, how could he say no to that? Why would he even want to try?

* * *

 

Semi scowled at his textbook, wishing he didn’t have a reading assignment so he could just enjoy the evening with Ushijima. One of the benefits of having decided to get an apartment together instead of living on campus, of course, was that Ushijima was with him anyway, sitting on the other in of the couch they’d managed to find for their small living room. But Semi wanted to actually focus on his soulmate, not just exist next to him - which was nice, there was no way he’d trade that for anything.

“Eita.” Ushijima’s voice jolted Semi out of his irritated musing - which was half because he was actually frustrated and half because he just didn’t want to read this chapter, he realized - and made the setter blink owlishly in surprise.

“Hm?”

“Sakusa’s team is having a practice match today,” Ushijima said. Semi studied Ushijima’s carefully neutral expression for a second, then smiled.

“You want to watch him play?” Semi guessed. Ushijima nodded. “All right. I’m almost done with this chapter, so we can go together after I finish it, okay?” Now that he actually had a concrete motivation instead of just vague thoughts of all the ways he and Ushijima could - once again - take advantage of their small but private apartment, he thought he might actually be able to stand reading his assignment. Semi got up, turned, and sat back on the couch, this time with his back against Ushijima’s shoulder, leaning against the wing spiker while he renewed his focus on his textbook.

Spending the summer with Ushijima, living with him as they started college, had done wonders for Semi’s constant doubts that he wasn’t enough. This, the two of them together, was enough. He was happy, and Ushijima was, too. Their colors still didn’t have the varying shades of a completed soulmate bond, but that no longer stopped Semi from enjoying leaving his colors on Ushijima’s skin.

If only life, or fate, or the universe, or whatever, would let them continue like this forever, Semi would be happy.

* * *

 

Watching the practice match was a nice change of pace from being the ones on the court. Being able to hold Ushijima’s hand was definitely a bonus, and watching Sakusa play was as entertaining as ever. Without his usual mask, it was easy to see the way his lips curled in distaste when he had to wipe sweat away from his brow. And the way he moved had always been a pleasure to watch.

“He’s going to feint,” Semi murmured an instant before Sakusa did just that. Ushijima nodded thoughtfully, apparently having also predicted the move. Apparently no one else had seen it coming, though, because the opposing team scrambled for the ball and failed to reach it in time, and Sakusa’s teammates let out surprised shouts before moving to congratulate their ace. Ushijima’s fingers tightened around Semi’s, and Semi smiled up at him. “Want to talk to him after the match, see how he’s doing?”

“Of course. He has improved since we saw him play at nationals. I would like to congratulate him,” Ushijima replied. Semi grinned and refocused on the match in front of them. With his dreaded homework out of the way, and Ushijima by his side, nothing could ruin his day.

* * *

 

Except, of course, for Ushijima going to shake Sakusa’s hand after the match as he told the younger player how much he had improved since the last time they’d seen him play. The handshake in and of itself wouldn’t have ruined anything, although Sakusa actually accepting the gesture and touching Ushijima’s hand had never happened before. The deep royal blue that spread over Ushijima’s palm, the almost-purple maroon instead of Ushijima’s usual color that spread over Sakusa’s in return, however…

That certainly put a snag in Semi’s plans to spend the rest of the day relaxing with Ushijima.

It wasn’t that Semi had forgotten he wasn’t Ushijima’s only soulmate. Semi was still aware of how flat his colors looked on Ushijima’s skin. But he had come to terms with that over the course of the summer and the first few weeks of classes. He’d convinced himself that what they had, the two of them in their apartment, happy, _together_ , was enough.

So it wasn’t that he’d forgotten there was someone else meant to be with Ushijima.

It was just that he’d finally convinced himself that he was enough, he’d finally started believing Ushijima that he was good enough, that he made his soulmate happy, and here, spreading in varying shades over the hands of two wing spikers who stared down at their hands in shock, was a stark reminder that Semi _wasn’t_ enough.

Semi shook his head, trying to push that thought away. Ushijima had spent all the time they’d been together since graduation trying to show Semi that, third or no third, Semi was loved, that he was irreplaceable. He had to keep believing that. He had to. Otherwise, he could lose Ushijima altogether. And sharing his soulmate, living knowing he wasn’t good enough, was better than not being with Ushijima at all. So Semi fixed a smile on his face, hoped it looked excited and welcoming instead of forced, and approached the two wing spikers.

“Eita,” Ushijima said, his voice strained. His gaze shifted between Semi and Sakusa, uncertain for the first time since he’d thought Semi didn’t want to be with him. Semi shook his head, then stretched up on his toes and kissed Ushijima’s cheek, leaving a deep green print of his lips on his skin, the same color the tips of Semi’s hair were at the moment. Semi noticed that for the first time, there were varying shades in the colors he left on his soulmate, lighter flecks betraying his anxiety while darker edges revealed the grim direction his thoughts had taken. Semi turned to Sakusa and repeated the gesture. As he settled back, having left his mark on both of them, he couldn’t help the stinging in his eyes or the way he unconsciously bit his lip. He was glad his back was to Ushijima, because he would have known something was wrong. Instead, he faced Sakusa, who merely shot him a questioning glance.

“You should shower,” Semi said, trying to keep his voice light and cheerful. “Then you should come to dinner with us. We’ll meet you outside?” He felt Ushijima take his hand, probably trying to evaluate Semi’s mood. The setter squeezed Ushijima’s fingers reassuringly, forcing his doubts to the back of his mind. He could do this. He really could.

He told himself that as he watched Sakusa nod and walk away, and it almost worked.

“Eita,” Ushijima murmured, tugging on his hand. Semi allowed himself to be led outside, keeping his demeanor cheerful the entire time, right up until Ushijima guided him around the corner of the building, where no one would see them, and pulled Semi into his arms. For a moment, Semi managed to pretend like he didn’t know why Ushijima was doing this. “I love you,” Ushijima said softly, pressing his lips to the top of Semi’s head. That was one of Semi’s favorite things about Ushijima’s height, and it never failed to make Semi give in and say what was on his mind.

“I don’t want him,” Semi blurted out. “I don’t want things to change.” Ushijima’s arms tightened around him.

“He is not just my soulmate,” Ushijima said. “He is yours, too. Perhaps we have a third because I cannot convince you of your worth on my own.” Semi’s entire body tensed, and he pulled away from Ushijima enough to glare up at him.

“That’s not-”

“Exactly,” Ushijima interrupted. “I keep telling you, Eita. This is not about being _enough_. I thought I had finally convinced you of that.” Semi nearly flinched at Ushijima’s words, but Ushijima’s hand on his back was warm and reassuring, telling Semi that Ushijima didn’t mean it as an accusation.

“I’m sorry,” Semi whispered.

“I was not looking for an apology,” Ushijima told him. Before Semi could say anything else, Ushijima leaned down and kissed him, his lips firm and steady against Semi’s, painting the setter’s mouth with Ushijima’s colors. That was all it took for Semi to melt, letting his body press against Ushijima’s and bringing his arms up to wrap around Ushijima’s neck, parting his lips slightly to ask for more. For a second, he thought Ushijima would give in and kiss him properly. “Later,” Ushijima murmured, lips curving upward slightly. “You invited our soulmate out to dinner, remember?” Semi grumbled, and Ushijima ducked down for one more chaste kiss. “Some things are going to change,” Ushijima admitted. “But my feelings for you will not.” Semi hid his face in Ushijima’s shoulder. He took a deep breath, steadying himself with Ushijima’s scent, his presence. His love.  

“I love you, too,” Semi replied, trying to keep his voice even. Ushijima kissed the top of his head once more, then slid an arm around his waist and guided him back toward the front of the building. Sakusa was waiting for them at the front door, mask in place. He was gripping the strap of his sports bag, his eyes scanning the area nervously. This time, when Semi smiled and approached Sakusa, his expression was genuine, and some of the tension in Sakusa’s shoulders drained away. Sakusa’s free hand lifted to his cheek, where Semi had kissed him earlier, the colors hidden by the mask. Semi took in the visible admiration in Sakusa’s eyes when he looked at Ushijima, and for a second, his doubts pressed forward again. But then Sakusa turned to Semi, and the awed, anxious look in his eyes didn’t falter. His hair, still damp from his after-practice shower, wasn’t as curly as it was fully dried. Semi wondered how long it would take before his hair was back to normal. Then he wondered if his newfound interest in Sakusa’s appearance was a result of their completed soulmate bond. Ushijima’s hand found his, their fingers twining together easily.

“I’m not...exactly dressed to go out,” Sakusa said as they reached him.

“That’s all right. We’ll go somewhere casual,” Semi replied.

“There is an excellent place near the apartment,” Ushijima reminded him. Semi nodded thoughtfully. Sakusa hesitated, glancing at their joined hands, and the uncertainty in his gaze reminded Semi so much of his own doubts that before he realized what he was doing, he held his other hand out to Sakusa. The younger player hesitated, then carefully took the offered hand. Semi gave him a gentle, reassuring squeeze and tugged him a step closer.

It wasn’t that Semi’s insecurities had vanished, he realized after a second of wondering why he suddenly wanted to include Sakusa. It wasn’t that he would never doubt himself or his place at Ushijima’s side. It was more that Sakusa’s own obvious hesitation reminded Semi that he and Ushijima had known each other a lot longer than they had even known Sakusa existed. Semi _knew_ Ushijima, and he knew that Ushijima would never say something that he didn’t believe was absolutely true. That reasoning might not always be able to keep his doubts at bay, but for now, it was enough.


End file.
